Are You Thriving?
I’ve been thinking about the interview the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan, gave ITV two years ago when she and Prince Harry were in Africa.
This interview came during the height of the chaos that was swirling around them and their lives as royals. She had just delivered Archie, and the press were relentlessly attacking her while her garbage family members were showing their true colors.
All the while, she was valiantly trying to keep a “stiff upper lip”, and yet you could see the anguish and pain in her face when the interviewer asked her the very simple question, “How are you?”
Meghan said something in that interview that I have replayed repeatedly in my mind almost daily this week. She said,
“It’s not enough to just survive, you have to thrive.
You’ve got to feel happy.”
Thinking of this line makes me sad.
Because the harsh reality is that I am not thriving, and I don’t feel happy.
I think I’m just…surviving.
It has dawned on me that I am simply going through the motions of living.
I am living my life on autopilot.
I wake up, go to work, come home, watch my dramas, scroll through social media, eat, go to sleep.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Day in, day out.
I’ve become exactly the type of person that I feared the most.
I’ve become indifferent to my life and the things around me, and I have fallen into the trap of living a life with no passion, no sense of real purpose, enthusiasm, or vigor.
And the question I keep asking myself is, “How long can this go on?”
How long will I continue living like this? Is living this kind of life sustainable?
I never wanted my life to be lived on autopilot.
I wouldn’t have left the career I loved if that’s what my end goal was.
I didn’t do all that with dreams of living a mediocre life.
And the part that I’m struggling with the most is, how do I change this? How do I break the cycle? How do I stop just living on autopilot?
I don’t have the financial means to get up and leave.
If you ask me what I am interested in, I can’t even answer that!
I mean, what good will my addiction to K-dramas bring me in the future? Other than the broken heart that I will be left with because I won’t be marrying any of the swoon-worthy actors in those dramas — they will do NOTHING for me!
I watch people with so much envy who go out and live these adventurous lives filled with friends and traveling. Someone I follow on Instagram posted fun pictures of a trip she took with friends she’s known for 25 years.
A friend that’s been around 25 years??
What’s that like!?
And taking trips with these friends!?
I know life is so full of adventure and places to see, things to do, yet here I am, stuck in this mundane cycle like a freaking hamster, and I’m just dying to get out.
I’m dying to thrive.
I have repeatedly said in previous blog posts that I thought I would know what I want to do and be by now, and although I understand that I may not be fully ready to realize it completely….
As each day passes, I get scared that I am getting sucked further and further into this vortex of mediocrity, and by the time I do realize it, it’ll be too late.
A year ago today, one of my first blog posts was about mediocrity and my belief that there is much more to life than what I knew…
Ahh…to be that girl again, full of hope.
I miss her.
Cause now she’s become stuck in a routine and indifferent about life, which is the two worst things someone can be.
Late-night talk show host Stephen Colbert has this bit he does with his guests called The Colbert Questionert, where he asks celebrities random questions so that they can officially become “known.”
One of the questions he poses is, “Describe your life in 5 words.”
I think I know what mine is…
Not … Just .. Surviving .. But .. Thriving.