Fake Love

I am a diehard fan of a particular Korean boy band, whose name is made up of 3 letters.

Some might say I’m too old to be their fan, which I don’t believe is accurate, and frankly, I find that to be ageist.

Either way, I don’t care. I love ‘em.

These 7 young, talented guys from South Korea have billions of fans around the world —

And I’m not ashamed of being one of the billions. (I won’t say their name because I don’t want their legions of fans to find this blog and attack me. I genuinely fear them because the sheer power they have as a collective is very scary).

Even though I am a card-carrying member of said fan base (literally…I have a paid membership!), I’m still in the baby stages of my fangirling.

I only became a fan in May, but it snowballed into a straight-up obsession. Professor Sister had to stage an intervention for me to tamp it down because I became consumed by it. Fortunately, it has calmed down from what it was, and now I’m just a very loyal fan.

God saved me before I started searching their home addresses on Google Maps.

Praise. 🙌🏾

But, the point of this is not to express/defend my deep love for them, their music, or my being a fan.

I’ll save that for another post.

And perhaps, therapy.

But, a couple of weeks ago, a remix of their CHART-TOPPING summer song was released. (Sorry, I’ll try to restrain myself from fangirling here, I promise)

This collab was with a famous female rapper (named after a male horse).

I am not a fan of said rapper. I am not admonishing her, her skills, talent, fans, or anything — I’m just not a fan of her music.

I love music, just not hers.

No big deal.

But I actually like the remix.

So my issue is not with her, per se.

Before this collab, there have been rumors swirling all summer of them collaborating with other artists —

Some who are amazing *cough*Coldplay*cough*

and some who are mediocre AT BEST *cough*JLO*cough (I use the term artist very, very loosely for this one in particular).

…which make collab rumors somewhat annoying.

This boy band has been blowing up, especially in the last year, and now it seems like everybody wants to collab with them.

And I get that — that’s the business. That’s how this works.

It feels like now that people are noticing them and the massive global influence they (and their following) have, they want to hitch their wagons to these guys’ rapidly rising stars. Because not only will it be good for them, but their brand, and ultimately their pockets.

The rapper, as mentioned earlier, even said in an interview that she wanted to reach fans on an international level and was using this collab to do that and spread her news of positivity.

I can get behind that.

But not everyone has that mentality.

Some musicians just do it cause they want a CHECK 🤑.

Why do I even care? Just don’t listen to the songs. Simple!

That isn’t my issue.

It’s the principle.

I dislike people who use others for selfish gain.

They didn’t know you when you were nobody and when you were struggling.

But when things are on the up-and-up, they are your BFFs.

You don’t have to be a global superstar to encounter people like this.

There are people in your life that will either ride with you when the storms of life are kicking your ass, or they’ll leave as soon as they hear the first rumble of thunder.

When you’re nobody, lost, failing, or flailing about, you may look around frantically for someone — anyone — to support you through it.

You don’t need them to solve the problem.

Just be there.

But there ain’t nobody.

When you’re at your best, and everything is going great — you’re making waves, being praised and applauded, and becoming successful — suddenly EVERYONE is your friend. Everyone is cheering and shouting.

I have always made the mistake of collab’ing with the wrong people.

I assumed the wrong people to be ride-or-dies.

This has been a hard life lesson I had had to repeat over and over again, with both family and friends alike, until last year when a very toxic friendship left me at rock bottom.

It wasn’t my first friendship that left me broken, but it was the first time that I finally paid attention to the lesson at the end.

Life is funny that way, right?

You keep repeating lessons until you have learned what you need to learn.

I constantly mistake people for ride-or-dies only to learn the hard way that they will stay until they get what they want.

But, if I start to need them, they hightail it out.

Lord knows I have longed for a village of ride-or-dies around me.

I have practically whored myself for people to be ride-or-dies.

I would give away my heart and loyalty, no strings attached. All I asked was that they stick it out with me.

Although it looks promising when it starts….eventually, you notice when they are MIA.

I settled for temporary friendships and fake love because I thought it was enough.

And as my current fave band sings,

“I’m so sick of this fake love.”

I have come to learn and understand that having a few people or even ONE person to provide strong, genuine, honest support is better than a sh*thole village full of weak, flaky, fake love.

I have survived seasons of doing life alone and seasons where I have had many friends.

I have had a village full of people and a village where I had only one person by my side.

Maybe, just maybe, I am not meant to have a village full of people.

And that’s okay.

David had Jonathan.

Caleb had Joshua.

Elijah had Elisha.

Lucy had Ethel.

Butch had Sundance.

Thelma had Louise.

Not everyone that comes into your life is worthy of collaborating with you.

Now that I’m almost 40 and finding myself again in a season where I am facing hard stuff, I am not facing it with the village full of people that I thought I had when I started.

The old me would be complaining about that.

That’s not to say I haven’t shed some tears over them leaving or changing.

I’m just saying that I’ve learned to accept it.

In fact, I am even grateful for it.

It has saved me time trying to explain what I am dealing with or having to “keep them updated.”

It’s exhausting having to dumb down my experience for people because they can’t relate or understand.

Settling for mediocre and fake relationships is risking being blessed by the greatness of the authentic and relationships you do have.

Why would I want to collaborate with the likes of J.LO, regardless of her money, fame, or penchant for working hard, when I could work with Coldplay and make music actually worth listening to? Ya know what I mean? (If you’re a JLO fan, I’m not apologizing. If you’re not a Coldplay fan….well, we can’t all be winners).

I don't want to collab with just anyone.

I certainly don’t want to collab with people who left and then reappear when things get better.

If I want to leave a long-lasting imprint on this world, I want to make sure that the people I take with me are in it for the long haul.

Don’t just collab with anyone.

Collab with people who have proved they’ll ride in every season of your life.

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Suja

39 year-old — trying to figure out who she is and what in the F word she’s supposed to do with her life=)