It’s only been one week into the new year, but can you figure out what energy I’m carrying?
Yesterday was my first day of living out this “IDGAF” mentality, and let me tell you — — it felt DAMN GOOD.
I had two separate experiences, with two different people.
One from my past and one I see daily — both were/are incredibly toxic in their own ways.
After the encounter in the morning, there was this sense of guilt and worry that I wasn’t being “Christ-like” — an unattainable goal for any of us.
But, I also knew that not engaging with this person would keep me from getting sucked into a conversation that would be filled with negativity and drama — which is not how I wanted to start my day.
Also, that person would know that I was no longer willing to be that person who would get entangled with their trash.
Then, last night, I had a similar encounter with a person from my past.
I had not seen this person in a few years and my experience with them was not a positive one at all.
But the exchange I had with them was fast, polite, and very matter-of-fact — which I think left them dazed and confused, but probably also thinking “She’s such a bitch.”
And I DIDN’T GIVE THREE EFFS.
I kept walking — but a little taller and a little prouder.
I felt like SUCH a badass.
THAT is what it feels like to NOT GIVE AN EFF?!
Ultimately, choosing not to engage with either of these people felt….SO DAMN GOOD.
And I want to feel like that ALL THE TIME.
So….I just don’t care anymore!
About anyone’s feelings.
About people’s opinions about me or my life.
None of it.
The beauty of not caring anymore is that I get to decide all of it.
Realizing that has been the most liberating feeling.
I get to decide what I want to do — regardless of whether that makes sense to you or not.
So, whether I am making big moves or standing completely still, I am doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.
Anything that comes into my life, that changes its trajectory, is because the Author of my life wrote it to be.
I get to decide who I want to tell — whether you believe you’re entitled to know or not.
I get to decide who to bring with me — whether that’s 2 people or 20,000 people.
I get to decide the type of people I want to be around.
I get to decide that I no longer have to be around people who don’t find me ‘cool’ enough or my life ‘exciting’ enough.
I get to decide if people’s energies don’t vibe with mine.
I get to decide if I don’t want to be around anyone who reeks of toxic energy.
Whether that’s religious toxicity.
Political toxicity.
Narcissistic toxicity.
Or bitch-assedness toxicity.
Because I have witnessed firsthand what happens when you allow anybody and everybody to traipse in and out of your life and home, without considering all the baggage and bullsh*t they bring with them.
You must protect yourself, your heart, your mental health, and even your home at all costs.
So, that’s what I’m doing.
People are officially being uninvited to my life and home.
I will no longer sacrifice myself for people who don’t matter.
I have always been a deeply introverted person who has been forcing myself to be extroverted so everyone will see me and like me.
It has been exhausting.
For so many years, I put myself aside because I was consumed with worry about hurting other people’s feelings or people disliking me.
Being introverted can be interpreted as being a bitch or anti-social. Qualities I have been trying to avoid for so long.
And even when my instinct was telling me that I wasn’t safe or a person was terrible, I was just so desperate to be accepted, have friends, or keep the peace.
But, I have learned that no matter how hard I try to be who people want me to be or all the good I do for them — people will never change their opinions about me.
They have already decided who I am and how I’m supposed to be.
So why am I wasting energy trying to change their minds?
It’s like forcing myself to wear a shirt that is 3x too small for me.
Being whatever people expect me to doesn’t fit who I am.
After a recent anxiety attack, I decided I would be saying “No” a lot more this year and I’d stop feeling guilty about it.
Because, while I am choosing the people to take along with me….
I am also choosing to prioritize myself.
Saying ‘no’ will upset people….offend people…probably even burn some bridges.
But that ‘no’ will protect me and my peace.
As my sister said, “It’s 2024: the year of clear and defined boundaries.”
So, there’s going to be a lot of pissed-off people this year….
If that pissed-off person is you or someone you know, just remind yourselves:
She is in her NO EFFS ERA.
