I Was Here.

Suja
3 min readAug 25, 2021

Last night, Professor Sister (how I will refer to my sister from now because she is brilliant and a badass professor. But, that’s DOCTOR to you peons), shared with me the incredible story about La Cueva de las Manos, or the Cave of Hands, in Argentina.

Cueva de las Manos, Rio Pinturas (image taken from UNESCO.org)

The Cave of Hands is a part of this extensive, detailed cave art that is dated around 5,000 B.C. Although there are depictions of animals and hunting scenes, this particular cave art comprises stenciled outlines of human hands.

It was my first time hearing about this cave art, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all night.

It wasn’t just the fact that something like this has remained intact for so many thousands of years, or that the people had the foreknowledge to create this art, but the profundity of the purpose behind the art.

Of all the art that has been discovered in caves over the many, many years, this has left me thinking more than anything ever before

— why did people leave their handprints?

What did they think could be learned about them from their handprints? We can’t tell their gender, their ethnicity. We don’t know if they’re tall or short, fat or skinny. We don’t know if they’re adults or young people. We know nothing.

All we know is that….. they were there.

Even people back then just wanted to be seen and remembered.

Isn’t that what we ALL want?

To be seen and remembered.

To make one long-lasting imprint on this world.

Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where people will choose any means necessary and go to any length to make their imprint (hello, jumping crates?!) — even if it means it lasts only for 30 seconds on TikTok or if it costs them their dignity, values, and morals.

Social media doesn’t help matters either.

Everyone is clamoring to be seen and validated, and when they aren’t, it brings up feelings of resentment and bitterness.

“Why’d they like their post and not mine?

Why aren’t they encouraging // supporting // validating me as they do so-n-so?”

And now you’re not only longing to be seen but left feeling inferior.

I don’t know what I want to do, and I am wrestling with my vision for my life.

Hell, I don’t even have a life motto! (Are we supposed to have that by 40? Cause I certainly don’t).

All I have been asking myself lately is what the hell am I doing with my life? What do I want?

La Cueva de las Manos reminded me what I want….

I just want to do something, anything, so the world knows…

I did everything God created me to do.

I was fearless. I was brave.

I was strong. I was resilient.

I chased my dreams.

I was loved and loved fully.

I lived my life full of joy with no regrets.

I was here.

--

--

Suja

40 year-old — trying to figure out who she is and what in the F word she’s supposed to do with her life