While I was unemployed, one of my favorite things to do was wake up early in the morning, sit outside with a cup of coffee, and watch the sunrise.
I would time it to where the sun was barely over the horizon and then sit and wait.
It was very much giving Hallmark movie vibes.
Even on cloudy days, even though it was hard to see, there was always these glimpses I could catch of the Sun peeking behind the moving clouds.
Some mornings, I walked in the neighborhood when it was still dark, and when I would turn the corner to come down my street, the sun would begin to rise.
It was so beautiful to watch and I couldn’t understand why I never really paid attention to it before.
Next to mountains, sunrises are a great reminder of how big and great God is — and how insignificant we are.
Unfortunately, now that I’m employed, I’ve had to forego this routine because I have to get ready for work.
However, I drive to work around the time the sun is making its way up, so you’d think I would remember to enjoy it.
But I don’t.
Instead, my drives are usually spent thinking about the things I have to get done at work (or what fresh hell is waiting for me there)…
or I am dealing with the mixed emotions I have about my job…
or feeling sad and frustrated at my lack of progress in life, or my singleness, or my finances, or my weight/health issues, or how my circle of friends has disappeared.…
The “woe is me” list that I go over every morning takes up my whole commute.
While I am internally moaning over all of these things, I am also ignoring the sunrise.
Here I was still getting a chance to see my favorite view with a front-row, unobstructed view every single morning — an even better view than from my measly backyard….
But, it was wasted on me.
Because I was too caught up in the mundane, trivial stuff of life.
I was no longer awed by the thing that used to take my breath away.
I even started to put my visor down in my car because the sun was too bright, and I couldn’t see the road.
The sunrise had become a nuisance, and if I could block it, then I didn’t have to pay any attention to it.
That’s what happens when you get what you asked for but forget how you got it in the first place.
I forgot how happy it made me see it rise every day.
Those days, I was in a place in my life that was so desperate for God. So, any way that I could encounter Him, even in the simple things like a sunrise, was a gift for me.
In that season of my life, where I needed and wanted Him so much, the sunrise was my daily reminder of His faithfulness.
We see the sun every single day, but how often do we remember to pay attention to it?
Yet, even when we don’t acknowledge it, it’s there.
Like clockwork, every single day.
But I quit making it a priority in my day to watch.
If I were being completely honest, the sun wasn’t the only thing I quit making time for…
Which explains why I have felt so lost these last few months.
It’s hard to navigate a journey without acknowledging the directions once in a while.
It is even more difficult to go through life without acknowledging God.
Trust me.
Once I got a job, the sense of urgency and longing wasn’t there anymore.
I became so comfortable because my biggest need (a job) had been provided, and I just assumed that God would always be there if I needed Him, so I just put Him on the backburner.
Why pay extra attention to something that you know will always be there?
I had become so jaded.
In that place of complacency, I lost my sense of awe and wonder of Him.
The place may have changed, but the practice didn’t have to.
I could still bask in the beauty and splendor of the sunrise…
But, I dismissed it.
Ignored it.
Forgot it.
Call it what you want.
That’s what I did to God.
I forgot Him.
It wasn’t intentional.
I didn’t plan on forgetting.
I didn’t want to sacrifice my time with Him.
It just happened.
I got too comfortable.
I got caught up.
And the harsh reality is, you can only be comfortable for so long without God before He does something to get your attention.
Sometimes it’s small.
Sometimes it’s not.
Sparing details that I would prefer to keep private….God got my attention.
And there was a lot of ugly crying involved.
But, after a few days of reflection and introspection, I feel like I’ve recalibrated.
After months of feeling lost and frustrated, I finally feel like I’ve been rerouted.
And for the first time since before I started working, I watched the sunrise again in its entirety and full splendor.
My heart was overwhelmed.
What I know now that I wish I knew four months ago when I unknowingly missed my first sunrise is that…
Regardless of all the things that distract me or demand my attention…
Or the worries about what I dont have or what I have lost along the way…
The one thing that will never change— that will never leave….
the ONE constant every day —
Just like the sun that will always rise….
Is that, yes, God will always be with me….
But just like I need to remember to watch the sunrise…
I need to remember to look for Him, too.
